Episode 97. The Customized Tellarite Dermalizer
Context
- Coordinated Universal Time
- Friday, October 18, 2024 - 7:10 PM
- Location
-
- Tellar Prime
- Zorek Spaceport
- K'hoka Khol'a's Cafe-Cabaret
- Dressing Room
- Timeline
- Schak'Irra Timeline
- Previously
-
On Tellar Prime, Enterprise's crew found itself a mechanic, Gornok, the grumpiest man on the planet, ready to repair the ship on condition that he be paid in latinum, a currency as rare as it is anachronistic. To raise the sum, Agnes Rodriguez and her team accepted K'hoka Khol'a's deal, a runaway Orion woman with venomous charm: organize an evening in her cabaret, L'Étoile Diamantée des Astres Pétillants, where the team will have to drop the uniform to entertain a wealthy Ferengi fond of exotic shows.
Characters
| Name | Affiliation / Branch | Title / Rank | Species | Original Timeline |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Agnes V. Rodriguez | NATO / Special Fleet | Captain | Human | Schak'Irra Timeline |
| Angie Chen | NATO / Special Fleet | Commander | Human | Schak'Irra Timeline |
| Vexoriana-Lyss'ra Tarsi | Starfleet / Temporal Division | Commander | Andorian | Prime Timeline |
| T'Met | Starfleet / Temporal Division | Captain | Vulcan | Prime Timeline |
| Robert Gomard | NATO / Army | Colonel | Human | Schak'Irra Timeline |
| K'hoka Khol'a | Independent | Étoile Diamantée des Astres Pétillants | Orion | Schak'Irra Timeline |
Manifest
| USS Enterprise | |
|---|---|
| Affiliation | NATO |
| Location | Docked at Zorek Spaceport |
| Captain | Agnes V. Rodriguez |
| First Officer | Angie Chen |
| Artificial Intelligence | Lingua (Unofficial) |
| Pilot | Eric Corda |
| Communications | Emilie Flores |
| Operations | Charlene Savea |
| Tactical | Vexoriana-Lyss'ra Tarsi (Unofficial) |
| Science | T'Met (Unofficial) |
| Advanced Weapons | Eros Vitos |
| Security | Robert Gomard (Unofficial) |
| Sickbay | Victor S. Calpel |
| Counselor/Consultant | Manu |
| Custodian | Manu |
| Passengers |
|
| Detainees | Vladimir Joseph Putin and his bodyguards |
| Ground Team |
|
TL;DR
A few hours before the Ferengi customer's arrival, K'hoka begins preparing the show. Problem: none of the volunteers has the slightest experience in this field. Fortunately, the Orion woman owns a miracle machine: the Tellarite Dermalizer, an antique beauty device with spectacular side effects. Before the team's astonished eyes, Angie Chen becomes the first test subject. What was supposed to be a simple cosmetic treatment turns into an almost mystical experience: dimmed light, strangely skillful robotic arms, and a concert of moans that even makes Tarsi's antennae blush. When the machine opens, Angie emerges transformed, golden skin, erased scars, and a sparkling glow worthy of a goddess. Faced with such a miracle, Agnes and Tarsi no longer hesitate: they take their turns in the machine. Only T'Met, impassive, watches the scene without moving.
Story
With the plan to get latinum from a Ferengi unanimously approved, all that remained was to prepare. The task proved difficult, because none of us has ever been a stripper. Fortunately, K'hoka Khol'a has the experience and accessories to make the evening a success.
K'hoka Khol'a
The customer will be here in two hours. We have very little time to transform you.
Capt. Agnes V. Rodriguez
Don't you have anyone to run the place?
K'hoka Khol'a
Yes. A young Tellarite waitress usually helps me, but tonight is her day off. We'll have to manage without her.
Capt. Agnes V. Rodriguez
Where do we start?
K'hoka Khol'a
You and the brunette, start by taking your clothes off.
Cmdr. Angie Chen Number One
Uh, me? Why?
Col. Robert Gomard Army
Whoa... now you've got me curious...
Capt. Agnes V. Rodriguez
Robert, go see if everything's ready out there...
Col. Robert Gomard Army
Oh... All right, Agnes, I understand... Grr...
K'hoka Khol'a
Wait, Colonel.
Col. Robert Gomard Army
What is it, K'hoka?
K'hoka Khol'a
Take these few bars of latinum. They're my savings. You will use them during the show to drive the bidding higher.
Col. Robert Gomard Army
Now that's something I can do. I will wait for you at a table. Do not take too long.
Cmdr. Vexoriana-Lyss'ra Tarsi
Poor Robert. Hee hee hee.
Capt. Agnes V. Rodriguez
Do not worry about him. You will not be laughing so much when he starts ogling you. So, where were we?
Cmdr. Angie Chen Number One
We were at the part where K'hoka told us to take our clothes off!
Capt. Agnes V. Rodriguez
Oh yes, uh, why exactly?
K'hoka Khol'a
I do not know the morphology of your species. I need to make sure the outfits and accessories I select for you are suitable.
Capt. Agnes V. Rodriguez
Uh, all right.
Cmdr. Vexoriana-Lyss'ra Tarsi
Heeey... T'Met and I get to stay dressed?
K'hoka Khol'a
I'm already familiar with Andorian and Vulcan anatomy, but you will also have to undress so you can go through the Dermalizer.
Cmdr. Vexoriana-Lyss'ra Tarsi
The what?
Capt. T'Met
According to my knowledge, it is an ancient Tellarite device designed to remove excess body fat.
Cmdr. Vexoriana-Lyss'ra Tarsi
Uh... no, thanks. I'll pass. I plan on keeping my figure.
K'hoka Khol'a
You are right, Captain T'Met, but the previous owner of the device added a few features, such as hair removal, concealment of various imperfections, skin tinting, glitter application, and so on.
Capt. T'Met
Fascinating.
Capt. Agnes V. Rodriguez
So basically, it's a glamour machine for showgirls.
K'hoka Khol'a
Among other things. It also has the ability to heal wounds and make scars disappear.
Capt. Agnes V. Rodriguez
Did you hear that, Angie? You have been trying for years to get rid of yours. This is the perfect opportunity.
Cmdr. Angie Chen Number One
Yeah, well, I will believe it when I see it. I have gone through so many quack treatments that I do not really believe in them anymore.
K'hoka Khol'a
Let me see.
Cmdr. Angie Chen Number One
Fair warning... it's not a pretty sight.
K'hoka Khol'a
Hmm, let us see. Surgical wounds inflicted without your consent. Those who did this to you knew what they were doing. Is that correct?
Cmdr. Angie Chen Number One
Grr... Yeah...
Capt. Agnes V. Rodriguez
That's correct. She was tortured by Russians about ten years ago.
K'hoka Khol'a
Russians? I do not know this species.
Capt. Agnes V. Rodriguez
They're humans like us, from a rival nation. Can you heal her?
K'hoka Khol'a
Of course. Commander Chen, please step into the machine. I'll program it.
Cmdr. Angie Chen Number One
Are you sure it's safe?
Capt. Agnes V. Rodriguez
Go on, Angie. Worst case, you'll come out as a bag of bones. Ha ha ha.
Cmdr. Angie Chen Number One
Do not make fun of me, breadboard!
Angie steps into the opaque glass cylinder. Inside, glowing panels with shifting colors create a particularly soothing atmosphere. Angie stands upright, arms and legs slightly spread on a rotating platform. When the door closes, K'hoka starts the process. A hum begins, and the shadows of robotic arms emerge from the walls, moving in every direction.
Cmdr. Angie Chen Number One
Aaaaaah... Yeeeeeessss... Oooh my God... Mooooore!
Capt. Agnes V. Rodriguez
Are you all right, Angie?
Cmdr. Vexoriana-Lyss'ra Tarsi
Sounds like she's enjoying herself.
Cmdr. Angie Chen Number One
Hee-haw, hee-haw... Ho, ho, ho, yahoooooo!
Capt. Agnes V. Rodriguez
Uh, K'hoka, what is happening?
Cmdr. Angie Chen Number One
Woo-hoo, baby! Mooooore! Harder! Aaaaaaah!
K'hoka Khol'a
Everything is going as planned. The Dermalizer has probably awakened certain senses in your officer... There, the process is ending...
The machine stops shaking. The door opens, and a plume of thick smoke pours out. Inside, Angie staggers toward us.
Cmdr. Angie Chen Number One
Hic! I swear, that thing is the invention of the millennium... My dear K'hoka, I'd trade you my entire collection of dildos for it...
K'hoka Khol'a
What is a dildo?
Capt. T'Met
A dildo is a phallic-shaped human toy intended to provide sexu...
Capt. Agnes V. Rodriguez
Uh, thank you, T'Met. We do not need the details. My God, Angie, look at yourself! It is incredible! Your scars are gone, and your skin is smooth and golden.
Cmdr. Angie Chen Number One
Huh, uh, ooooh. Aaah yes. Fantastic. Even my body hair made a run for it! What are those little sparkling things all over me?
K'hoka Khol'a
They're flakes of driconium leaves. They are found only on the surface of Tellar Prime.
Cmdr. Angie Chen Number One
K'hoka, I have to kiss you! It is magnificent!
K'hoka Khol'a
You are welcome. We must not waste time. Captain Rodriguez, it is your turn.
After seeing what the machine had done for Angie, Tarsi and I no longer hesitate to take our turns in the machine. Only T'Met stays aside, watching us with an impassive expression.
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