Episode 99. All Fired Up... Total Flop
Context
- Coordinated Universal Time
- Friday, October 18, 2024 - 9:02 PM
- Location
-
- Tellar Prime
- Zorek Spaceport
- K'hoka Khol'a's Cafe-Cabaret
- Galarium
- Timeline
- Schak'Irra Timeline
- Previously
-
On Tellar Prime, Enterprise's crew is still trying to gather the sum needed to pay Gornok, the mechanic tasked with restoring the ship. After an agreement with K'hoka Khol'a, a runaway Orion woman turned owner of a clandestine cabaret, Agnes Rodriguez and her officers prepare to entertain a wealthy Ferengi fond of sensual shows. Thanks to the Dermalizer, an antique Tellarite machine with dazzling effects, Angie Chen emerges transformed, golden, smooth, and radiant, convincing her companions to try the experience. In a few hours, the small group learns to dance, sway, and play the cabaret game. The plan: charm the customer, collect the latinum, and leave.
Characters
| Name | Affiliation / Branch | Title / Rank | Species | Original Timeline |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Agnes V. Rodriguez | NATO / Special Fleet | Captain | Human | Schak'Irra Timeline |
| Angie Chen | NATO / Special Fleet | Commander | Human | Schak'Irra Timeline |
| Vexoriana-Lyss'ra Tarsi | Starfleet / Temporal Division | Commander | Andorian | Prime Timeline |
| T'Met | Starfleet / Temporal Division | Captain | Vulcan | Prime Timeline |
| Robert Gomard | NATO / Army | Colonel | Human | Schak'Irra Timeline |
| K'hoka Khol'a | Independent | Étoile Diamantée des Astres Pétillants | Orion | Schak'Irra Timeline |
| Blunderbust Braggart | Independent | N/A | Ferengi | Schak'Irra Timeline |
Manifest
| USS Enterprise | |
|---|---|
| Affiliation | NATO |
| Location | Docked at Zorek Spaceport |
| Captain | Agnes V. Rodriguez |
| First Officer | Angie Chen |
| Artificial Intelligence | Lingua (Unofficial) |
| Pilot | Eric Corda |
| Communications | Emilie Flores |
| Operations | Charlene Savea |
| Tactical | Vexoriana-Lyss'ra Tarsi (Unofficial) |
| Science | T'Met (Unofficial) |
| Advanced Weapons | Eros Vitos |
| Security | Robert Gomard (Unofficial) |
| Sickbay | Victor S. Calpel |
| Counselor/Consultant | Manu |
| Custodian | Manu |
| Passengers |
|
| Detainees | Vladimir Joseph Putin and his bodyguards |
| Ground Team |
|
TL;DR
The evening begins. K'hoka Khol'a, mistress of ceremonies, welcomes her Ferengi customer: Blunderbust Braggart, a greedy merchant with a loose tongue. While he is already negotiating the purchase of a house cocktail recipe, Colonel Gomard, infiltrated as a fake customer, tries to pass as a Gomardian from an invented planet so as not to reveal Earth's existence. Then comes the fateful moment: Agnes Rodriguez, captain of Enterprise, takes the stage, abandoning her uniform for a cabaret-worthy outfit. Under a wash of lights, she launches into her act while Angie and Tarsi tinker with the decks and T'Met comments on the situation with her unshakable logic. But the verdict falls: the Ferengi, immune to her charm, drops barely one bar of latinum. The team understands that they will have to be much bolder.
Story
K'hoka Khol'a disrobes and heads toward the galarium with an enchanting smile. With two sharp claps of her hands, dim light and a light mist fill the room. Under the entrance arch, the customer stands waiting impatiently to be received by the owner of the place.
K'hoka Khol'a
Welcome to L'Étoile Diamantée des Astres Pétillants. I am delighted to see you again.
Blunderbust Braggart
Your Jadian beauty suits you perfectly, enchanting creature.
K'hoka Khol'a
Hee hee... You certainly know how to flatter a lady. I remembered your rule number 112.
Blunderbust Braggart
Hmm, never trust a clothed female. A golden rule that deserves a much higher place in the Grand Book of Acquisitions.
K'hoka Khol'a
You know we respect your customs and your rules here. Shall I seat you at your usual table near the stage?
Blunderbust Braggart
Yes, as usual, your best table... Who is that drunk guzzling beside it? I have never seen his species.
K'hoka Khol'a
Pay him no mind. He is, uh...
Col. Robert Gomard Army
Heeey, are you talking about me? I am the...
K'hoka Khol'a
He is a Gomardian!
Col. Robert Gomard Army
Uh, yes, that is exactly right! I would even say I am a Gomardian from planet Gomard.
Blunderbust Braggart
Planet Gomard? Never heard of it. What sector is it in?
K'hoka Khol'a
He arrived aboard the refugee freighter docked at the other end of the pier. In fact, I even thought of you by recruiting some of their females for your greatest pleasure...
Blunderbust Braggart
Pah, if they are as repulsive as he is, I do not think you made a good deal. Believe me, I'm an expert in that department...
Col. Robert Gomard Army
Heeey, big monkey! In my civilization, I am recognized as an exceptional specimen, and our females are the biggest pains in the neck in the entire galaxy.
Blunderbust Braggart
Ha, ha, ha. I bet they cannot hold a candle to Tellarite females and their nasty targ tempers.
Col. Robert Gomard Army
Say that again, you bargain-bin Dumbo!
Blunderbust Braggart
Your insults are pathetically, hopelessly pathetic.
K'hoka Khol'a
Gentlemen, calm down. I brought you a little refreshment. On the house: the Slug-o-Khol'a.
Blunderbust Braggart
Hmm, this is not the traditional cocktail...
K'hoka Khol'a
Indeed, I took a few creative liberties: 91% Slug-o-Cola mixed with 9% Luhvian liquid, a pinch of Orion spices, a few crushed Jenjoran berries, and a dash of Orion nectar.
Blunderbust Braggart
You have undeniable talent, my dear. I will buy the license to your cocktail right now for 100 bars of latinum. You only need to sign at the bottom of this document.
Without hesitation, K'hoka signs, and the Ferengi hands her a purse filled with the precious metal. Satisfied with the transaction, she claps both hands to announce the start of the show. The spotlights illuminate the stage, and background music begins to resonate.
Cmdr. Vexoriana-Lyss'ra Tarsi
That is the signal. Agnes, you are first on stage.
Capt. Agnes V. Rodriguez
Well... here goes nothing. Wish me luck.
Cmdr. Angie Chen Number One
With this zombie music, you are going to need it.
Capt. Agnes V. Rodriguez
Pah, we've got to change that. Angie, do something.
Capt. T'Met
Why change the music? This is a classic from the Tellarite Ode to Joy.
Cmdr. Angie Chen Number One
Don't worry, Agnes. I've got my MP3 player. We're going to set the place on fire!
Capt. T'Met
Fire? That would be ill-advised.
Cmdr. Vexoriana-Lyss'ra Tarsi
Oh, T'Met! It is a human expression meaning we are going to liven things up.
While I'm on stage performing for the Ferengi, Angie and Tarsi improvise as DJs.
Cmdr. Angie Chen Number One
Damn, there is no USB port on this thing!
Cmdr. Vexoriana-Lyss'ra Tarsi
Don't panic. I'll transfer your files with my implant in the blink of an eye.
Cmdr. Angie Chen Number One
Wow, that's fast.
Cmdr. Vexoriana-Lyss'ra Tarsi
Hurry up and build that playlist. Our asses are on fire!
Capt. T'Met
I can assure you that our pants are in perfect condition.
Cmdr. Vexoriana-Lyss'ra Tarsi
Do not add fuel to the fire, T'Met!
Cmdr. Angie Chen Number One
This one's perfect... trash this one... this one's awesome, keep it... this one sucks, ditch it... I think we're ready to bring the fever! Tarsi, hit it!
Cmdr. Vexoriana-Lyss'ra Tarsi
Sending it!
As Peggy Lee's Fever drifts through the Galarium, the Ferengi is not exactly overflowing with joy, unlike Colonel Gomard, who radiates wonder as I reveal myself bit by bit.
Col. Robert Gomard Army
Go, Agnes! Yahooooo! That's the show of the century!
Blunderbust Braggart
So, is she the famous Gomardian you recruited?
K'hoka Khol'a
Yes, her name is Agnes. What do you think of my new acquisition?
Blunderbust Braggart
Meh, not great. Everything about her is underdeveloped. I'll give her one bar of latinum out of pity.
K'hoka Khol'a
How incredibly generous of you.
Blunderbust Braggart
I know. It is one of my greatest qualities. Hehehe...
K'hoka Khol'a
Agnes, you may step down and send in the next girl.
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