Episode 100. Saloon Brawl
Context
- Coordinated Universal Time
- Friday, October 18, 2024 - 22:13
- Location
-
- Tellar Prime
- Zorek Spaceport
- K'hoka Khol'a's Cafe-Cabaret
- Galarium
- Timeline
- Schak'Irra Timeline
- Previously
-
The Enterprise crew, stranded on Tellar Prime, took on a mission as unlikely as it was necessary: raise enough latinum to pay Gornok, the local mechanic, so he can repair their ship. Under the wing of K'hoka Khol'a, an Orion woman with a murky past, Agnes, Angie, Tarsi, and T'Met traded their uniforms for feathers, corsets, and a dangerous amount of nerve in a burlesque show meant to charm a stingy, lecherous Ferengi. But the plan is turning into a fiasco: Agnes' act brings in only one bar of latinum, T'Met proves more scientific than erotic, and the customer, Blunderbust Braggart, remains unmoved. Meanwhile, Gomard, infiltrated as a fake customer, does his best to play his part without giving himself away.
Characters
| Name | Affiliation / Branch | Title / Rank | Species | Original Timeline |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Agnes V. Rodriguez | NATO / Special Fleet | Captain | Human | Schak'Irra Timeline |
| Angie Chen | NATO / Special Fleet | Commander | Human | Schak'Irra Timeline |
| Vexoriana-Lyss'ra Tarsi | Starfleet / Temporal Division | Commander | Andorian | Prime Timeline |
| T'Met | Starfleet / Temporal Division | Captain | Vulcan | Prime Timeline |
| Robert Gomard | NATO / Army | Colonel | Human | Schak'Irra Timeline |
| K'hoka Khol'a | Independent | Étoile Diamantée des Astres Pétillants | Orion | Schak'Irra Timeline |
| Blunderbust Braggart | Independent | N/A | Ferengi | Schak'Irra Timeline |
| Orion Pirate | Orion Pirates | N/A | Orion | Schak'Irra Timeline |
| Orion Pirate Leader | Orion Pirates | Leader | Orion | Schak'Irra Timeline |
| Lingua | Starfleet / Temporal Division | N/A | Artificial Intelligence | Prime Timeline |
Manifest
| USS Enterprise | |
|---|---|
| Affiliation | NATO |
| Location | Docked at Zorek Spaceport |
| Captain | Agnes V. Rodriguez |
| First Officer | Angie Chen |
| Artificial Intelligence | Lingua (Unofficial) |
| Pilot | Eric Corda |
| Communications | Emilie Flores |
| Operations | Charlene Savea |
| Tactical | Vexoriana-Lyss'ra Tarsi (Unofficial) |
| Science | T'Met (Unofficial) |
| Advanced Weapons | Eros Vitos |
| Security | Robert Gomard (Unofficial) |
| Sickbay | Victor S. Calpel |
| Counselor/Consultant | Manu |
| Custodian | Manu |
| Passengers |
Robert Gomard's squad 4 Vulcan survivors from Schak'Irra Emmanuel Macron |
| Detainees | Vladimir Joseph Putin and his bodyguards |
| Ground Team |
Agnes V. Rodriguez Angie Chen Robert Gomard Tarsi T'Met |
TL;DR
The evening degenerates at lightspeed. As Agnes fumes over her failure and Angie tries to get the night moving again, the act collapses into chaos. T'Met, forced onto the stage with her hula hoop, barely captivates the Ferengi, who is more critical than impressed, while Tarsi and Angie improvise a group number to salvage the performance. In the galarium, Gomard screams like a fan in a trance. But just as the scene reaches peak absurdity, the door bursts open: a band of armed Orion pirates storms in, looking for K'hoka Khol'a, their escaped former captive. Disruptor fire, overturned tables, shattered glass: the evening becomes a confrontation. Gomard protects K'hoka while the rest of the team lies flat on the stage. Tarsi, astonishingly cool-headed, grabs Gomard's combadge and contacts Lingua, who triggers an emergency transport. In a blinding flash, the team vanishes from the cabaret, leaving total chaos behind, with furious Orions and a stunned Ferengi.
Story
I return behind the curtain in utter bewilderment. My performance earned us one tiny little bar of latinum. Needless to say, we are nowhere near our goal of 200 bars. I hope the other girls have better luck than I did.
Capt. Agnes V. Rodriguez
I don't believe it! One bar! I'm worth one bar!
Cmdr. Angie Chen (Number One)
Don't look so stunned. That alien knows absolutely nothing. I can guarantee you that on Earth, you would have been a hit.
Capt. Agnes V. Rodriguez
We aren't on Earth, Angie! We absolutely have to find a way to speed up the collection.
Cmdr. Vexoriana-Lyss'ra Tarsi
I warned you. Ferengi are pitifully stingy creatures!
Capt. Agnes V. Rodriguez
We will wear him down. Captain T'Met, it's your turn to put on the show. We're counting on you.
Capt. T'Met
I am still not convinced that your approach is effective.
Cmdr. Vexoriana-Lyss'ra Tarsi
Instead of dithering, get up on that stage, T'Met!
Despite her reluctance, Tarsi pushes T'Met onto the stage and tosses her the hula hoop. In the room, Colonel Gomard plays his role perfectly, cheering her on and throwing a few bars of latinum. As for the Ferengi customer, he does not look especially motivated to raise the bidding.
Col. Robert Gomard (Army)
Yeah, baby! Yeah!
Blunderbust Braggart
What a waste. Throwing latinum around while this Gomardian remains frozen in the middle of the stage.
K'hoka Khol'a
Show a little indulgence. Our dancer T'Met is Vulcan. This is not part of her culture.
Blunderbust Braggart
Vulcan? That rings a vague bell. Hmm, ah, I see. She is different from the first dancer. Her ears are interesting.
K'hoka Khol'a
I knew you would find some quality in this dancer.
Blunderbust Braggart
Hmm. Calling her a dancer is something of an exaggeration.
Indeed, T'Met's expressionless stare and total immobility put the plan in danger. Behind the stage, Tarsi, Angie, and I watch that pitiful spectacle helplessly.
Cmdr. Vexoriana-Lyss'ra Tarsi
Hey T'Met, you need to move your butt and dance!
Capt. Agnes V. Rodriguez
You're wasting your time, Tarsi. She can't hear you with the music drowning out your voice.
Cmdr. Angie Chen (Number One)
All is not lost. We'll improvise!
Cmdr. Vexoriana-Lyss'ra Tarsi
What are you planning to do?
Cmdr. Angie Chen (Number One)
We are going to pull out all the stops! Get ready to join her. I'm choosing a new song!
Capt. Agnes V. Rodriguez
Uh, I don't understand. You want me to go back out there?
Cmdr. Angie Chen (Number One)
Obviously. We'll do it like we did during the celebration of your appointment as captain of Mercator in 2017!
Capt. Agnes V. Rodriguez
Oh, oh!
Cmdr. Angie Chen (Number One)
Everyone on stage in 9 and a half seconds!
I had drunk so much that night in 2017 that I do not really remember what happened, but according to what Angie told me, I was better off not remembering. As the three of us step onto the stage beside T'Met, I hear the first notes of the music and understand the idea...
Cmdr. Angie Chen (Number One)
♪♫ T'Met, take off your peacoat. ♪♫
Cmdr. Vexoriana-Lyss'ra Tarsi
♪♫ Very slowly. ♪♫
Capt. Agnes V. Rodriguez
♪♫ Raise your hands. ♪♫
Cmdr. Angie Chen (Number One)
♪♫ I'll take off your pumps. ♪♫
Capt. Agnes V. Rodriguez
♪♫ T'Met, take off your sari. ♪♫
Col. Robert Gomard (Army)
♪♫ Yes! Yes! Yes! ♪♫
Vexoriana-Lyss'ra Tarsi, Agnes Rodriguez and Angie Chen
♪♫ Keep that hoop right where it is,
♪♫ Keep that hoop right where it is,
♪♫ Keep that hoop right where it is!
Blunderbust Braggart
What is this masquerade and this deafening music of a primitive barbarian?!
K'hoka Khol'a
I do not know. It may well be part of Gomardian culture. Look at your table neighbor's enthusiasm.
Col. Robert Gomard (Army)
Encore! Encore! Encore!
Blunderbust Braggart
Hey, you little worm! What do you find exciting in this mediocre show?
Col. Robert Gomard (Army)
Mediocre? Are you kidding, monkey? This is the greatest exhibition of all time!
At the same moment, the galarium entrance doors fly open and dozens of green-skinned thugs burst in, firing into the air. Before she can be spotted, K'hoka quickly hides under the table near Colonel Gomard. As for me, Tarsi, T'Met, and Angie, we drop flat on the stage.
Orion Pirate
Everyone raise your hands and shut your mouths! You strippers, stay down! If you behave, no one gets hurt.
Orion Pirate Leader
Listen carefully! We are looking for a whore named K'hoka Khol'a. Our informants told us she ran this establishment. I offer 10,000 credits and safe passage to whoever hands her over.
Blunderbust Braggart
I know where she is!
Orion Pirate Leader
Speak!
Blunderbust Braggart
Take a look under that table...
Orion Pirate Leader
Well, well, well, Khol'a! We've been hunting you for two years and now we find you holed up in a lousy spaceport full of piglets. Seize her!
In one quick motion, Colonel Gomard draws his phaser and violently flips his table to use it as a barricade. He and K'hoka Khol'a take cover behind it as the Orion pirates open fire with their disruptors.
Col. Robert Gomard (Army)
Tell me, K'hoka, who is this big Hulk?
K'hoka Khol'a
My former master. He has been hunting me ever since a bounty was put on my head. I thought I still had a little time before he picked up my trail.
Col. Robert Gomard (Army)
Bad estimate, my dear. We are trapped.
From their position, Robert and K'hoka cannot fall back. Since she is near the stage, Tarsi calls out to them...
Cmdr. Vexoriana-Lyss'ra Tarsi
Heeeeey, Robert, throw me your combadge!
Col. Robert Gomard (Army)
Huh, what?
Cmdr. Vexoriana-Lyss'ra Tarsi
Your combadge! The one I gave you earlier when we left the Enterprise!
Col. Robert Gomard (Army)
Can't you see I'm busy here? Just use yours!
Cmdr. Vexoriana-Lyss'ra Tarsi
Mine stayed clipped to my clothes in the dressing room! Give me yours right now!
Col. Robert Gomard (Army)
Nice excuse!
As the Orion pirates keep riddling the table with fire, Robert pauses long enough to grab the device from his pocket and toss it to Tarsi, who catches it in midair.
Cmdr. Vexoriana-Lyss'ra Tarsi
Hello, Lingua, this is Tarsi.
Lingua
[beep] I read you, Commander Tarsi. Are you having fun?
Cmdr. Vexoriana-Lyss'ra Tarsi
You cannot imagine how much fun we are having! Are you connected to Tal'Kyr?
Lingua
[beep] Yes, Commander Tarsi. Would you like me to take control of it?
Cmdr. Vexoriana-Lyss'ra Tarsi
No, Lingua. Emergency-transport our ground team, plus one Orion woman!
Lingua
[beep] There are 15 Orions near you. Which one should I locate?
Cmdr. Vexoriana-Lyss'ra Tarsi
The female next to Gomard! Hurry!
Lingua
[beep] Six targets locked. Transport in progress...
In a blinding burst of light, our team vanishes, leaving the Orions stunned by our sudden disappearance. Rage rising in him, the pirate leader grabs the table where K'hoka and Robert had been hidden and hurls it violently against the wall. A few meters away, his furious eyes land on the Ferengi customer, whom he fixes with threatening determination before heading toward him...